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And my broken heart just has no use. Promises are better left unsaid..

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9th February 2010

11:13pm:  I feel like I should post something considering I haven't in so very long, but I don't really have much to say..

Getting laid off of work in April, which I'm pretty happy about in a way because I highly dislike my job. Me and the on&off guy of almost 4 months are off again, and I'm pretty sure its staying that way. Not happy about that one, but thats an extremely long story. Have new roommates, living in Vanier, which I hate.

And thats pretty much it. Nothing exciting.

So I guess that was pretty pointless, but it helped me procrastinate for a bit, which is kinda nice.

I'm off to do the dishes, even though all of them were used by my roommates and I did not use one. Whatever.
 
Goodnight all!
Current Mood: annoyed

(shed an emo tear)

18th October 2009

12:49pm: I've been doing so very good on my own lately..

It took a while to get used to the fact that I was on my own again, and this time I had no one but myself to rely on.. I go to work, I pay my bills, feed myself, keep a roof over my head, do things for myself.. I've been gaining back my independance back slowly but surely.. but it always seems like theres something that gets in the way.. and makes me remember that I'm extremely lonely, and while I am capable of taking care of myself and being single, I much prefer to be with someone who loves and cares about me..

And this time, Marc was that something.. we dated way back in like, January.. and it didn't end very well.. we started off happy.. but I mean, we had just met.. barely knew anything about each other.. and being the rebound he was, and me being in the emotional state I was in after losing the love of my life, I moved in with him almost right away.. and we were happy for a while.. then the fighting, and the unhappiness started.. because we knew nothing about each other, and little flaws or quirks would come out and we obviously didn't know how to handle them, so we fought.. we threatened to break up, I threatened to leave.. it was just a bad situation.. so we ended up breaking up one night.. I moved home, we stopped talking, he dated a girl with a kid who was apparently the most amazing woman on earth, I started dating Jeff.. who is a loser.. anyways.. recently, we started talking again.. and started sleeping together.. nothing serious.. just company and sex pretty much.. him and his girlfriend broke up.. we kept sleeping with each other, and would avoid doing anything remotely close to being a couple, like movies or getting food or anything like that..

Well, Wednesday night.. he randomly texts me and says hes taking me to a movie.. which is weird considering our situation.. I get in the car, he kisses me and holds my hand.. we go to the movies, hes still being cute and cuddly.. he tells me he wants me to sleep over, despite the fact that I have Mother Natures lovely gift and can't do anything.. so we get McDicks, go to his place.. then he pulls me on his lap, starts being cute and kissing my forehead or my hand, talking to me like we used to.. we go to bed.. he gets all cuddled up, and says "Didn't you miss this?".. as I'm about to answer, we start on another topic.. one thing leads to another and he says he wants to get back together and have kids and get engaged.. as he rubs my finger and says he'll put a ring on it, and as I discuss how I am VERY NOT READY to have kids and I understand that hes older and wants his life to start, I'm only 21.. he says hes been thinking about it for awhile, wants to try again, it'll be better this time, blah blah blah.. so whatever.. we talk about it, I say I'll think about it.. we cuddle more, pass out.. 

The next morning, we get up.. shower together, get dressed.. then he offers to come with me to do my running around (groceries, bank, etc).. we do all that, he ends up dropping me off at home later in the day because he had to go to his parents.. I text him, asking why he was weird and if he didn't mean what he said the night before to just own up and be honest.. he says he meant it, but wants to take it slow and get to know me and not rush into it again..

But its hard when you've already been there and spent all of your time together and its just comfortable and nice.. and now I can't stop thinking about him.. and I haven't seen him since.. hes been busy, so I understand.. but I'm just so confused with the situation, and I don't know what to do.. I want to forget it ever happened, so I can be strong and happy like I was before he opened his big mouth.. but I can't go back now.. and I can't stop thinking about him.. so I'm stuck.. I want to let it just be, and see where it goes, but thats not me.. no matter how much I try to pretend that thats how I am, its not.. when I want something, I don't want to wait.. he should know me well enough to know that if he says shit like that, and acts the way he did, he can't expect me to be able to take it slow.. hes not a take it slow kinda guy either.. the girlfriend after me had a whirlwind romance with him, then he either dumped her or she dumped him, I'm not sure.. but in any case, maybe he just wants to flit back and forth.. or as soon as something gets bad, instead of working to fix it, he gives up.. well, I don't give up.. people should know that by now.. I fight HARD for what I want.. so he either needs to decide he wants to try and settle down with me as much as I can handle at my age, or flit with someone else.. cause it sure as hell is NOT going to be me..

*sigh*

(shed an emo tear)

21st July 2009

2:17am: Stupid Samantha and her annoying rants..
Ever wonder why you do really stupid things?

He tells you he misses you.. asks if you're okay and if you need anything when you're in the hospital.. says its a bad idea to hang out because he doesn't want to hurt you anymore and has a guilty conscience.. then tells you he can't resist you and wants you.. pretend it doesn't hurt, act like its all cool.. when its really ripping you apart everytime he texts you because he just wants one thing.. and you are dumb to fall for it.. he tells you all the time he wants to hang out and be friends and can't not talk to you.. yet whenever you just wanna HANG OUT, hes busy.. and when you're drunk and stupid and want something, he says no.. that you're better than that.. but as soon as HE wants it, you drop everything you're doing and go for it..

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Then another one gets in a really bad accident.. and the first thing, after having a heart attack, is that you think OMG I HOPE HES OKAY, I WONDER IF HE NEEDS ANYTHING, I SHOULD CALL HIM OR GO SEE HIM.. someone else goes to see him, doesn't invite you.. and you get mad because you should be there making sure hes okay.. but in all reality, if he wanted you to go make sure he was okay, he'd ask.. and he doesn't, so you obviously don't matter..

Why do I bother? Why am I dumb enough to fall for these retards?

I put myself in these situations.. I have no reason to get upset or mad..

I can't wait to leave this place.. I'm tired of hearing about and seeing  them.. I'm tired of caring, and getting mad when I realize its pointless to care.. cause they don't give a shit whether or not you care.. they don't care about your feelings.. they know that you care too much and that you'd still do anything for them regardless of the situation, and they don't give a shit..

I need to stop caring so much.. I need to stop worrying about other people, and start worrying about me.. worrying about getting my shit together.. getting a job, getting ready for university, paying off debts.. finding me again.. its time to smarten the fuck up..

But the second they need something, I'll be there.. and why? Because I'm stupid..

No more boys for Samantha.. for a very long time..

And I say that all the time, and it never works..

I need to go to bed, I'm giving myself a headache..

**end annoying rant**
Current Mood: frustrated

(shed an emo tear)

22nd April 2009

9:16pm: I feel like I'm in a rut..

Nothings going right, and I'm just not motivated to do anything at all..

I'm stuck back at my parents, which is not working at all.. I have no job, nowhere near going to school, no place of my own..

I have a really great boyfriend.. hes amazing, and I'm so happy with him.. but my other issues are making me bitchy and annoying as usual.. and I don't know how to get out of it..

And hes not texting me back, which is really bugging me right now..

I don't know what to do.. I'm so lost.. I feel so useless..

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!!!
Current Mood: bitchy

(shed an emo tear)

20th December 2008

2:02pm: Its been a while since I've written in this.. since me and Chad broke up I guess..

Things haven't really changed much..

I still miss him.. I still love him.. things still suck..

Only now, I'm living with my parents again after 3 years of being on my own, I have no job due to commuting and bus strike and expensiveness of commuting.. my friends think I'm being retarded because I am still not over Chad and its been 3 months and I get mad that someone who was supposed to be my close friend likes him and will LET ME KNOW when something happens..

I'm getting better though.. I'm eating again, and sleeping.. and not crying myself to sleep every night..

I think I'm at that point where I know hes not coming back, and I just have to get over that pain and I'll be okay..

People can't honestly expect me to be over him after only 3 months.. we were together for 3 years.. we went through everything together.. we lived together, slept together, worked together for a bit, ate together, made dinner together, watched movies together, shopped together, did laundry together, paid bills together, went to family functions together, went through family deaths together, went through a HUGE personal thing together.. he was my everything.. its hard to let that go..

I've realized more and more lately how much I don't like him as a person right now.. I don't know where the Chad I met and fell in love with went.. but hes not that now.. hes flaky, and rude, and always angry, and doesn't listen to me.. hes just not nice anymore.. I don't know what happened.. it makes it a bit easier to try and get over him..

Until I see him, which happens because we have the same friends.. or read or hear something that reminds me of him.. or see pictures, or get asked about him, or see his car.. then everything comes rushing back..

And it feels weird that we aren't together anymore.. because hes been such a huge part of my life the last 3 years..

But then I think back on old times, and wonder if it really was us or if I was imagining things.. I know I'm not imaging it, but thats just how it feels..

Anyways.. I lost my train of thought.. so that is all.. :)

(2 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

21st September 2008

2:56am: Sometimes life just sucks.. sometimes life hurts so bad you can't breathe.. thats what I feel like right now..

I feel like I lost a part of myself.. I lost my boyfriend, my soulmate, the love of my life, my everything.. it hurts a lot.. I have barely slept or eaten in a week now.. everytime I see him I cry, everytime I go anywhere or think of anything, I think of him and cry.. I just want this pain to go away.. but I know its not that easy..

Then he lies to me.. and decieves me.. after 3 years of dating, the 3 previous years of knowing each other and liking each other.. like, grow up.. don't lie to me, don't tell me we'll be back together and you love me and kiss me and hug me and wipe away my tears, then do something like that.. come on baby.. we went through a lot of stuff together.. good times, bad times, hard times.. and you really want to throw away all that because of a misunderstanding.. you want to throw away a girl that would give her LIFE for you.. you will never find someone that loves you as much or cares about you and takes care of you and appreciates and understands you as much as I do.. you will never have what you had with me with someone else.. don't be shady, don't lie to me..

It ended in a stupid way.. which makes it hurt even more..

I stay up all hours of the night, just so I don't have to sleep and think about him..

I say hes changed and I don't want him to be a part of my life anymore.. which I know is a lie.. I want to get over it and move on and stop hurting.. but its not that easy.. I wish it was.. because this pain is tearing me apart.. I feel like my hearts in a million pieces..

Then you see your old best friend, and all she has to say about it is, "So, you guys broke up, eh?".. shut the fuck up and leave me alone..

I wish everything and everyone would just go away..

I want him back.. but I want the old him, not this new asshole that appeared out of nowhere.. I know its never been there before.. I've seen the asshole in him, and it was never like this..

I love him more than anything.. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.. and I lost him.. in a second, everything I've ever wished for is gone.. the love of my life is gone.. my heart is gone.. sadly, my will to live is gone right now too..

I can't do anything.. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function properly..

I just want to crawl up in a ball and forget everything..

Why won't this pain just go away? I don't want to hurt anymore..
Current Mood: crushed

(2 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

25th March 2008

7:16pm:

So I haven't posted in ages.. because theres nothing much going on.. my life is pretty boring.. everyone has exciting entries about going to concerts and whatnot.. and I'm just being bored out of my mind, being stressed, trying to get my correspondance done so I can get into university.. etc etc.. I'm not really exciting.. hopefully when I get on my feet, I can do exciting things and go out and go to concerts and parties and whatnot.. 

Me and Chad are looking to move to Ottawa.. he got a landscaping job by St. Laurent, and we're pretty sure hes not gonna want to commute all the way down there everyday.. its a lot of maintenance and time driving, and the Olds is a huge pig on gas.. so it wouldn't be worth it.. we're just looking for apartments and jobs for me right now.. 

I've been hanging out with Alyssa a lot again, which is nice cause we haven't hung out in ages.. Tam and I kinda drifted apart.. I'm tired of telling her she should let go, then her not listening to my advice but coming back crying to me saying she got hurt again.. and shes always too busy or ditching me for him anyways, so whats the point really? I still have lots of good friends, especially cause I'm hanging out with Alyssa again, so I try not to worry about it too much..

So thats pretty much all thats new and exciting.. I really need a life..

Current Mood: sick

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

28th October 2007

4:38pm:  It has been a very very very long time since I posted anything, and that is mainly because the old computer was a piece of shit and the internet wasn't working and then we got a new computer and then the internet was being stupid again, until today when my Mommy and Daddy came over and fixed it.. (run on sentence much?)

I've been working a lot lately, which is good for the bank account and bills, but bad for my body and social life.. which I don't have, by the way.. 

We also just moved into a new house.. Chads dads old house that we call the townhouse, but its not really a townhouse as my mom has tried to explain to me numerous times and has argued with me numerous times about even though I know its not a townhouse, we just call it that to distinguish it from the 2 other houses his dad owns.. jeez.. so, we moved in on October 4th, and we still have a crapload to unpack, but I just don't really want to do it at all.. our roommate moved in yesterday and Friday, and hes already all unpacked.. which makes me feel lazy and messy cause I haven't done very much, but I have so much stuff and I don't know where to start.. and I just don't want to.. 

Its really cold out, and Amy said it was snowing in Ottawa.. which doesn't make me very happy at all.. I hate snow.. and the cold.. but I'm gonna learn to snowboard this winter and do something exciting, so I don't gain even more weight by sitting in my nice warm house and eating lots and watching stupid shows and stuff.. 

Now I'm gonna go to my parents and carve some pumpkins..

(shed an emo tear)

28th July 2007

10:54am:

I haven't updated in forever. I just kinda forgot about livejournal. 

I haven't really been up to anything exciting either. I've been working a lot, and when I'm not working I'm sleeping. I worked 4 shifts this week. Last night was supposed to be my fourth, and my overtime, but I woke up and my legs were so stiff I could barely get out of bed. They still are. Every once in a while, my heels will feel like someones stabbing them with needles, like they do when I'm working. And my fingers feel like they're huge sausages, huge numb sausages. Its no fun. So I didn't go to work last night. Chad did, and I stayed home and did fuck all, which was kind of nice. 

We're looking for new jobs and our own place. Theres only 21 days left till Chad gets his license back, so when he does, we're gonna start looking in Ottawa for both. I'm so sick of this house, and of this 12 hour night shift bullshit, and not being guaranteed shifts and all that fun stuff. We both want full time jobs. Badly.

Other than that, nothings really new. I'm quite boring. I see everyone getting excited about school soon, and I'm sad that I didn't apply. I'm kinda glad though, cause it took me a while to finally figure out what I wanted to do, and I'm still trying to organize a way to do both things I want at one time, which is possible, but kinda not. Its quite complicated. See, I want to major in psychology, which is university. But, I also want to take this course called Recreation and Leisure Services, which is a course to become a recreational director for a nursing or retirement home for my minor. I know you can get minors in gerontology, which is the field the college course is in, but I don't know if its that particular area, or a different one of gerontology. So basically I've been calling universities and stuff trying to figure out how this will work. I'll figure it out. I still have another year. In the meantime, I'm gonna take some extra correspondance courses to get my average higher, even though its fine. 

We went to the Elgin on the 20th for the Justinators birthday. He got a hotel room, which I got stuck staying in all night. Randy showed up at the hotel room about 2 hours before his shift, and we talked and I thought he could get me in, even though I don't have ID, but he couldn't. So I got stuck sitting in the hotel room all night while they all went to the bar. I was very angry. Then I found out that someone else could've gotten me in, so i was even angrier. So I'm trying to get ahold of her today to see if she can get me in tonight, which would be cool. 

The derby is coming up soon, but its not as interesting this year because Chads not driving in it. Randys bitchy girlfriend is gonna be taping it though, so that will be good. The fairs not exciting, and the derby isn't if Chads not driving, so I might just go work or go out somewhere.

I want to go to the Ex this year. Does anyone know when it starts?

Chads dads wedding to the psycho raving bitch cunt is soon. I've firmly decided I don't want to go. So if anyone wants to do something Friday, September 14th, lemme know. Cause I won't be at that wedding. She got mad cause I'm not willing to pay $200 of money I don't have on a tux that Chad will wear for a total of 3 hours. And then she expects me to wait in Arnprior while they go to Waba to get "family pictures" taken, cause apparently I don't qualify as family, and then sit in the reception hall with people I HATE (her mother and her nephew, because they're the only ones out of the family I know that aren't in the wedding party), while everyone I know and like will be at the head table. So I won't even get to see Chad the whole night. But since the receptions above the bar, I'll be at the bar and after the stupid supper, Chad can sneak out and come to the bar. FUCK I HATE HER.. *breathe Samantha breathe* Anyways. If you're free that day, lemme know. 

I suppose that is all for now. I should update more often, its kinda like ranting to someone, but you don't have anyone to tell you to shut up. At least to your face. Lol.

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

29th May 2007

11:26am: I have been working non-stop.. and when I'm not working, I'm either sleeping or at school.. I have managed to work 12 hour night shifts, and go to school too.. but I am sick now, so I think I'll take the week off and just relax and get better because I am so exhausted.. 

This weekend is pretty busy..  we're going out with Chads sister and brother-in-law for dinner and a movie on Friday night cause we haven't seen them in a while.. Saturday we have a surprise party to go to for my great gramma.. then we're supposed to all go get tattoos or piercings with Randy, Justin, Chad and I.. then Sunday, I think we're gonna relax.. 

Last weekend, we hung out with Justin pretty much all weekend.. he went and got his lip pierced randomly which made the wanting us all to go get tattoos come into his head.. but I think I want to wait until me and my mom go get our tattoos together to get mine, so I may just get something pierced..

Anyways.. thats pretty much all thats been going on.. working and sleeping and schooling.. woot woot.. anyways.. its lunch, so thats just a little update for now..

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

11th May 2007

4:11pm: I'm so tired.. I worked last night, and I have to work tonight and I really don't want to.. I hate Zomax.. but it pays the bills, I suppose.. and it sucks cause Chad is working on the opposite shift, so hes at work while I'm sleeping.. and I couldn't sleep in my own bed today because of it.. and I can't sleep with him.. oh well, one more night.. 

So, for Mothers Day, Chad and I are taking Mommy, Daddy and Mitch somewhere.. I don't want to say anything now just in case she reads this.. shes been trying to get it out of me and my dad since she found out he knew.. shes a sneaky bugger.. lets just say she'll enjoy it..

Then Sunday, Chad works.. Monday, Chad works days and I work nights.. Tuesday, Chads off and I work nights.. woot woot.. 

I'm graduating in June, and I'm so happy.. its about time.. I only have a couple books from 2 courses, so now I see that I really will be graduating.. I have a month and a half to finish like, 4 or 5 books.. which is possible.. so yeah, be proud.. 

I just put on the song Georgia by Ludacris and I got a flashback of when I was living in Ottawa, because it was my ring tune.. and I'd be on the bus and someone would call, and everyone would look at me.. I like the song.. yay for random flashbacks..

Nothing too exciting is going on.. just school and working.. looking for a better job, so is Chad.. I wish he had kept his Stinsons job.. it was steady with relatively good pay.. but hes going to talk to his old boss on Monday I guess because one of the full timers that does Chads old shift is leaving for college in August.. so I hope he can get his job back.. that would be great.. it really stresses me out when he doesn't have steady work.. cause he gets cranky cause hes bored and can't sit on his ass all day, and then if he can't pay his bills.. it just stresses me out..

Anyways.. I better go shower and stuff.. everyone have a good weekend..
Current Mood: tired

(2 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

4th May 2007

11:36am: Me and Chadders are currently sitting at my parents waiting till 12:00 so we can purchase Nickleback tickets.. We are extremely bored.. listening to country.. 

Well.. that is all I have to write about.. it was very pointless.. have a good weekend everybody..
Current Mood: bored

(2 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

1st May 2007

2:14pm: I'm 19!!! yay!!! 

Not a very exciting birthday though.. kinda sucks when its on a Sunday.. so I had poutine and Dairy Queen for dinner.. and had a little party with energy drinks, cheesies and CSI:Miami by myself cause Chad had to work.. but thats okay.. last night, we had Mama Rosas with my parents, then Chad and I went and saw The Condemned.. pretty good movie actually.. kinda sick, but good.. I worked last Monday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, and Friday night.. I was exhausted, so I have a couple days off which is nice.. my Mommy is making me fajitas sometime this week for a belated birthday celebration.. thats pretty much all thats been going on.. nothing really exciting..

There was an accident in Pakenham (10-15 minutes from Arnprior) this weekend.. two girls from ADHS passed away.. Carlie Fenton and Jenny Miller.. I used to work for Jenny's mom.. she has throat cancer, and last summer her son Josh got a football in the head and was in a coma and had to get brain surgery and is still recovering.. so I feel bad for her.. and Carlies mom died in a car accident last year I believe.. its sad, and kinda scary to think about.. I didn't know them, but its sad to think they were younger than me and had so much life ahead of them and this happened.. apparently they were on ATV's, and it was foggy, and they got off to walk to Carlies grandfathers.. and they were walking across the road, and a car hit them.. Carlie went flying into the ditch, and died on the way to the hospital.. and Jenny was hit and thrown into the other lane and run over by another car because she was unconcious (obviously) and so she couldn't get out of the way.. apparently she was cut in half.. the other car didn't even stop, it just kept going.. and there was another girl from Almonte with them, but she didn't get injured or anything.. I heard it on Saturday morning when I was getting off work, but I was too tired to pay attention.. then when I woke up around 4 on Saturday, Chads sister was telling us what she thought happened and it was on the news again.. the wake was yesterday and the funerals are today.. Carlies getting buried in Pakenham beside her mother, and Jennys getting buried in Arnprior.. its all just really sad.. this is like the, 3rd or 4th accident thats happened in the last 2 years or so.. Jonathan Baskin passed away when I was in grade 11 I believe.. he was coming home from a party with his two best friends and I think they were drunk and wrapped the car around a tree.. then Luke Sheldrick killed 2 of his friends and one was in critical condition after driving home from a party last year.. its scary to think of how many young people have passed away lately.. makes me want to be a million times more protective and careful with my friends and with what I'm doing, and when I'm driving with Chad.. I worry enough when hes driving alone.. a lot of people were affected by Carlie and Jenny's deaths.. I feel bad for their families and friends.. 

Anyways.. on a lighter note.. i'm gonna go get my g1 next week.. yay!! I'll be able to start practising my driving, and I can have ID!! YAY!! I obviously won't be drinking and driving, so these are separate events.. I won't be practising my driving after going to the bar obviously.. but still, YAY!!

I suppose that is all.. everyone be careful.. watch where you're driving and walking and don't get in the car with someone thats on drugs or has been drinking.. I already worry enough, I don't need to worry more about you guys than I already do.. and UPDATE PEOPLE.. I have no lives, i need to live vicariously through you guys.. haha

(AGAIN WITH THE WEIRD MOOD ICON WITH THE WEIRD GOATEE.. WHAT IS UP WITH THESE THINGS?..)
Current Mood: mellow

(4 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

18th April 2007

9:48am: Why does no one update anymore?
Since no one is updating anymore, I thought I would.. 

I got the job at Zomax.. but I have yet to get any hours.. they're being stupid..

Weekend was pretty boring.. 

Last Wednesday was good, though.. we went to the Prior for wing night.. Chad spilled beer everywhere.. Justin ordered suicide wings and couldn't eat them.. then Randy called.. so we went and hung out with him, Justin Selaney, Schneider, Randys girlfriend and Schneiders girlfriend at the Constance Bay skate park.. yeah, we're cool.. considering only two of them actually skate.. Randy was trying to skate across ramp onto another, and there was a gap about, maybe 2 or 3 feet.. and the first time he tried, his board slipped out from under him and he sacked himself.. he basically did the splits right into the side of the ramp.. I don't even have balls and I still felt it.. then he tried it again and gashed open his shin.. then again, and he almost broke his ribs.. the last time he tried, he got it.. it was a good thing, because if he had tried one more time I was going to grab his board and run away with it.. I don't like seeing people get hurt, especially the way he was falling and hitting the ramps.. stupid boys.. then before we left he pulled down his pants and skated across the park with his pants around his ankles.. Randy likes being naked.. or seeing other people naked.. or asking to spin kick you in the shin.. lol, long story..

So Saturday morning, my mom calls at like, 8.. and I stayed up most of the night cause Chad was at work, and I was trying to stay up so I could sleep with him during the day.. anyways.. it didn't work, so I got up at about 10.. I called my mom back.. and she talks about regular stuff, then says, "Oh, yeah.. Granny C died last night.." Uh, thanks.. she had a stroke last week sometime, and I guess she didn't recover.. so we have to go to the funeral tomorrow.. I'm really not looking forward to it, but I know I have to go.. 

Sunday, we had turkey at my parents.. my grampa came and it was his mother that passed away.. and he acted like nothing happened.. if I was in his position, I wouldn't want to leave the house.. anyways.. sad weekend..

This Friday is 4:20.. I'm gonna have a little party while Chads at work.. we're gonna do some smokin' up.. I haven't smoked pot in almost a year now..  then I'm gonna have Alyssa, Melissa, Sam and Sarah over to drink and have a girls night.. should be fun..

Well, I guess thats all.. should probably get back to work.. SOMEONE UPDATE!!
Current Mood: bored and lazy

(5 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

10th April 2007

9:04am: I had a pretty good last week/weekend..

I went to school on Monday.. and didn't go for the rest of the week.. lol..

Tuesday, we went out for breakfast and  went grocery shopping.. then I got my income tax return, so we went to Ottawa.. we went to Bayshore, and I got some jeans and tshirts.. I bought Chad some jeans, and tops from West 49 (he never even wants to GO in West.. it was strange.. Randy seems to be rubbing off on him..) we went to visit my gramma, then we went to Kelseys for dinner.. good food.. Chad was mad because they sat us right next to the bar, and it was a day before his birthday.. so he thought they did it purposely to taunt him.. cause the slutty little waitress that wouldn't stop flirting with my boyfriend knew that he would be 19 the next day.. lol.. then we went and saw Shooter.. 

Wednesday was Chads birthday.. I made breakfast and we hung out and watched movies.. then we went to his grandparents and got his cards.. then we just basically hung out for the rest of the day.. Randy showed up at our place around 5ish.. he came in, and Chad was getting dressed.. I was dressed, but far from ready.. so he goes upstairs to say hi to Chad, and I'm downstairs getting the curling iron ready.. and I ask Chad to bring me down a brush.. so Randy comes down instead.. then follows me into the bathroom.. he asks if I'm doing my hair, I say yes.. so he says he has to pee, and drops his pants and starts going pee.. while I'm in the bathroom.. right beside him.. lol.. what a guy.. only Randy would do something like that.. then Justin showed up.. they went out and did boy stuff while I got ready.. then laughed at me when I said we needed to get batteries.. (apparently when a girl says she needs batteries, it means they're for her VIBRATOR.. which I don't have.. but whatever..) we went to the Prior, but it was too busy.. so we went to the Elgin.. Chad and Randy ordered drinks, while Justin and I got pop.. lol.. it really sucks.. more suckiness about that, but I will discuss that later.. they had a drink, then we decided we'd drink at our place after dinner, so they went to the liqour (sp?) store and got the a 26er of Sour Puss, a 26er of Jack Daniels.. and a 26er of Fireball.. everyone finally showed up.. Chad had a couple more beers.. we had dinner.. Chad had a gasoline shot (JD and tequila) and I have a picture of his face after he took it.. it is PRICELESS.. we finished eating.. Chad was drunk by the time we left the Elgin, and doesn't remember anything.. that is after 4 beers, 2 rum and coke, and like, 5 shots.. lol.. then we drove around with Randy for a bit, then went to our place.. we got there, and me and Randy immediately started taking shots.. apparently, he thinks drink like a man.. also, I am the most tolerable girlfriend he has ever met and wishes he could find a girl like me.. awww.. anyways.. we went upstairs and started drinking and listening to Randy's cds.. we got really drunk.. I took about a million pictures of the boys.. I had tons of fun.. Chad threw up because we were playing a drinking game to Thunderstruck and his JD went down the wrong hole.. then he kept drinking.. I managed to make it through the game.. I was really really drunk after that.. Randy left around 11 to go fuck his exgirlfriend, then came back and dropped his car off when we were passed out and stumbled home.. lol.. luckily he just lives across the street... I had a lot of fun.. I honestly fit in with guys a lot better than girls.. I have a lot more fun too, most of the time.. Chad had a good birthday..

Thursday I was hung over.. we just hung out with Justin for a while.. drove him home, went for lunch.. and hung out for the rest of the day.. we went out for coffee with Randy and his friends for a couple hours.. I didn't want to go in cause I thought his friends would be stuck up, but they were actually really nice.. we talked about Chads birthday, he got a couple happy belated birthdays.. the boys talked about their cars, the girls talked about boys and their cars.. lol..

Friday, Chad went to the Elgin with Randy for the night cause Randy dj's there on Fridays and Saturdays.. he came home at 3, drunk, and he lost 40 bucks.. I told him not to bring so much money.. but no one ever listens to me.. I had the house to myself, so I wrote and did my nails and had a bath and relaxed.. it was nice to get a break.. one of the girls we met when we went to coffee asked where I was, and was all upset cause I wasn't legal age.. lol.. I WANT TO BE LEGAL AGE.. WITH ID SO I CAN ACTUALLY DRINK!!

Saturday, Chad and I rented a bunch of movies and had a movie night.. we cooked dinner together and watched movies.. 

Chad worked on Sunday, so I had another night to myself.. then he worked last night, but I ended up falling asleep almost immediately after he left.. 

I do NOT want to be here today.. I am tired of coming to school.. I want it to be OVER.. yes, I know.. it means I have to go and hurry up and get it over with.. I KNOW..

I have an orientation at Zomax tomorrow which is cool.. jobs are always good.. good paying jobs are even better.. 

Now, for the suckiness.. I don't have my license.. I don't have $125 to get my license.. my birthday is in 19 days.. even if I got my license today, I wouldn't have id for my birthday.. I want to drink on my birthday.. BUT no id=no drinking.. so, my mom is going to find out if I can get an age of majority card from the LCBO so I will have some id.. *crosses fingers*..

So that is my week/long weekend..
Current Mood: bored and tired..

(2 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

2nd April 2007

1:01pm: I had a good weekend..

On Friday, I just hung out at my parents.. Chad worked from 5 to midnight.. I went to a comedy show with Justin.. it was pretty funny..

On Saturday, Chad and I went down to Tessa's house for her little party.. I met John, Joe, Jake, Geoff, Lindsey, and some other people.. I saw Jill again.. I haven't seen her since grade 8.. we used to think we hated each other, but I don't think either of us actually did.. I saw Pearly and Tessa.. Ang couldn't come cause her boyfriend was sick, so hopefully she'll be coming next Friday.. and I don't know where Jillie was, but I missed her.. I had a lot offun.. it was good to see everyone.. I got there and did a shot.. then in total, I had 5 drinks.. I was very drunk.. Chad couldn't drink cause he had to drive and he worked at 8 the next morning.. and he didn't enjoy having me in the car on the way home.. lol.. according to Chad, I was yelling out the window for people to slow down, or to speed up.. lol.. I went pee at Monkey Joes, cause I was giving the wrong directions because I was drunk and Chad didn't know where he was going cause I was telling him the wrong thing.. so we ended up down there and I stumbled in the restaurant and tripped over a couple tables.. then I went pee at Timmies when we got into Arnprior and fell off the toilet.. then we got home and before Chad opened the door, he told me to be quiet cause Brenda and Bob were sleeping.. so I got in and was yelling "SHHHH CHAD SHHHH".. then I fell up the stairs and couldn't get into bed.. I kept falling down.. kinda like Joe kept collapsing.. that was hilarious.. but all in all, I had fun.. I'm glad Tess invited me and Chad took me.. hopefully next time we go down, Chad'll be able to drink.. 

Sunday I was a little hungover.. so I stayed in bed til noon.. then showered and lay on the couch all day feeling like shit.. I had a massive headache and I was hungry but I didn't feel like eating..

Good times, good times..

I don't want to be here today.. what else is new, though.. I walked up to the bank during second period because they cancelled my bank account and I had to go get another one.. then I bought me and Missy lunch.. and now I'm here.. for another 2 hours.. but I really don't want to be.. if Chad wasn't working, I'd be getting him to come get me right about now..

I'm hoping I got my cheque today cause I want to take Chad out for dinner and a movie and get his birthday present tomorrow.. cause Wednesday we're going to the Prior, cause its his 19th, and we won't have time to go to Ottawa.. its gonna be a long night, with a drunken Chad.. which will be payback.. and a 200 dollar booze bill.. lol.. 

Current Mood: bored and tired

(3 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

30th March 2007

10:46am:

its FRIDAY!! I'm so happy.. this has been a VERY long week..

Last night was cool.. Chad came home from work at around 8:30.. we slept, cause I stayed up most of the night.. I woke up at 11:30 but I let him sleep till around 2:30.. then we showered, and went into town.. we had Wendys for lunch.. then went and saw my parents.. we had to go get birthday cards for my Grammas 58th birthday.. and while we were in the mall, we decided to go to A&P and get some food.. Chad felt like bbq-ing.. so we got some steaks.. then I got some onions, green peppers and mushrooms.. we got home around 6:30 and put the food on.. I cooked the veggies while Chad cooked the steaks on the bbq.. it was really good.. and it was nice to cook together and have a good meal.. then we watched some CSI: Miami.. at 9, we went in the hot tub for a bit.. then showered and went to bed.. it was a nice, quiet evening in with just the two of us.. I enjoyed it very much.. and he works again tonight, and then on Saturday all day, so that was the only time I'll get to see him all weekend.. 

Tonight I'm gonna hang out in town while Chads at work.. 

I'm supposed to get my income tax return by Monday or Tuesday.. so when I do, we're gonna go out for dinner somewhere down in Ottawa and go see a movie.. I'm also gonna go shopping, and get my glasses.. cause I don't want to be naked, or blind.. lol.. 

I'm so lazy today.. I don't even want to do any work.. which is why I'm updating.. I had the day off yesterday because most of the people down here haven't done the literacy test yet, so since I did it already I didn't have to come.. and I didn't go to school on Wednesday so its hard to get back in the groove.. and its Friday, so that doesn't help any.. 35 minutes till lunch.. and I don't think I'll come back after lunch.. I'll just stay home.. 

I want Subway for lunch.. and cheesies.. I've had the strangest craving for cheesies for the last couple days.. and strawberry rhubarb pie.. but Chads gramma says neither are in season, so I have to wait till they are so she can bake me my pie.. shes one of those bakers that never use anything out of a can.. its all fresh with her.. which is good, but I want my pie!! lol.. 

I suppose that is all.. everyone have a good weekend.. 

p.s. why does the hungry icon look like a vampire?

Current Mood: hungry and bored

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

23rd March 2007

2:07pm: sweet boys, tgif and the tons of pregnant teens in Arnprior
Thank goodness its Friday!!

I love sweet guys that are just genuinely nice.. theres this really nice guy down in the Adult High School with me, named Chris.. he is always the type of guy that opens the door for you, or lets you go through the door first, or just says hi and comes over and asks you what you're doing.. its really rather sweet.. its nice to see teenage boys, well 21 year old boys, that are still gentlemanly in a room full of retarded boys of the same age.. I was going upstairs to meet Chad for lunch, and he was coming down the stairs.. when he saw me coming, he ran back up the stairs and opened the door for me.. it was really nice.. then you get upstairs and thers all these stupid guys that are throwing things at girls or making fun of people when theres really no reason to.. hes just a genuinely nice guy.. and its rather refreshing.. 

We went to McShits for lunch.. and I ran into this girl that I used to go to school with.. she was naming off like, 7 girls that are pregnant, or just had their babies.. it was shocking.. half these girls were brilliant girls with tons of dreams, and just dropped out of school to have these babies.. and some of them are younger than me.. its kinda sad, because they had so much going for them and then made one mistake and their lives will change forever.. one of my really good friends, Styles, got pregnant from this guy she was dating for like, a week or two.. and was actually really happy that she was having this baby.. she was dating another guy for 3 years and managed not to get pregnant.. why did it have to be with a guy that she dated for a week? shes due in June, and I still don't understand why shes so happy to be having this baby.. I would be really upset, and concerned for how I'm going to be taking care of this baby living off a Timmies salary in my friends basement.. it just doesn't make sense to me.. then theres another girl that I was in co-op with last year, and she was working in the lab at Pfizer and she was really really smart.. then all of a sudden she stopped showing up to school.. I didn't know why she left until I saw her last month with a huge stomach at the hospital.. shes a couple inches shorter than Tessa (without the heels of course) and shes so small and teeny like Tessa, and it was just weird to see her with this HUGE stomach.. she looks really odd.. and I felt so sad for her because she had so much going for her.. and one little missed pill or broken condom made her life turn upside down.. its just strange.. they weren't the girls I usually see with kids or pregnant, that are just crack whores on welfare with a drug dealer for a boyfriend living in a shack, walking around town all the time with like, 3 kids trailing behind them.. they're girls that have graduated high school and were applying for college, or girls that were well on their way to having a really good life for themselves.. girls that I thought would be smarter than that.. but I guess its not really a matter of being smart or not.. school smart at least.. its just a matter of a little mistake, in the heat of the moment.. and this is why I am now so obsessive about taking my pill.. if I miss one, I freak out.. I don't want to be put in that position, I don't want to have my life turned upside down.. I'm not ready for a baby, and I'm pretty sure those girls aren't either..

I'm almost done all my credits!! I'm so happy.. I'm done my english.. I handed in one book of each of the other 3 lessons.. I have 3 books in health, 3 in entrepreneurial studies and 3  in family studies.. then one more and I'm FREE!! lol.. I'm really happy.. I'm lazy today cause its Friday, but I have all weekend to catch up.. I want to be done these other courses by the end of April.. can't be that hard.. then one more, and I'll be TOUT FINIT!! 

I'm still waiting for a call back from PSP.. I called on Wednesday, and the operator I talked to said that the hiring person has been sick, but she would get her to call me as soon as she is back.. I'm really hoping I get this job.. I really need a job.. its great hours, great pay, and that means I can get my own apartment.. they told me in the interview that they would call me either way, but when they didn't call, and it was a week and a half later.. I got worried.. so I called to bug them, and its just cause shes sick.. so it amkes me feel a little bit better.. 

I wanted to go to Ang's party tonight.. but I don't think I'll be able to get into Ottawa.. and that sucks, cause I really miss her.. but when I get my cheque from my taxes, I will be coming to Ottawa, so anyone that wants to hang out, lemme know.. I'm not sure when it will be, but I already talked to Tessa about it and she said we could try and get everyone together, but Jillian is always working and Pearlys busy a lot.. so it may be hard.. oh, and Amy's in Sri Lanka.. lol.. I know we definitely can't get her here yet.. I miss her too.. Tams supposed to be having a party for her 19th birthday this weekend.. so I might go to that.. I haven't hung out with her in ages.. so that should be cool.. its gonna be a girls night, which I haven't done in a while.. I miss hanging out with my girlfriends.. 

And that, my friends, is my exciting life.. not really..

(4 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

13th March 2007

12:28pm: Fuck, you're a crazy bitch..
I haven't had to deal with so much drama in ages..

Its been a long morning.. and its only 12:30.. its unbelievable.. I was talking to Justin this morning, and we planned to hang out with our friend AJ, and just walk around town or something.. then his girlfriend Tash got online.. and we were talking.. and she was all mad cause we were hanging out with Justin, and we never invited her.. (she told him she was going away for March Break, she didn't know where, or with who, or when she'd be back.. so what is he supposed to do? sit around and wait for her for the rest of the break?)  anyways, she was being bitchy which is nothing new.. and she asked why Justin wasn't talking to her online.. I told her because he wasn't online anymore, and that I was on the phone with him.. so she gets all pissy and tells me to, GET HIM TO CALL ME RIGHT NOW, I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, I MEAN IT.. so I tell her hes going to Ottawa with his dad, and asks if thats okay with her.. she says no, and says shes on the phone with him.. then she says talk to you later.. and I say, I don't think you should bother calling me until you start treating Justin better.. she gets all defensive and says I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ANYWHERE ANYTIME ANYPLACE.. so, thinking she won't show up because she threatened to beat up Alyssa and never did.. so I tell her to be here in 15 minutes and we'll see.. so I'm laughing about it, and as I'm telling my mom that she won't show up, I see her walking down my street with some guy and her Rottie.. so I freak out, and my mom tells me shes coming home.. so I stay in the back, not wanting to get in a fight.. cause I'm the only non-fighter in my family.. and she keeps knocking, and I guess eventually leaves.. so my parents come home, and shes not here.. so they go around the block to see if shes there to talk to her.. shes not, so they come back home.. but when they're out, she had called and my brother said I didn't want to have anything to do with her.. then my mom calls her, just to say not to come near the house and not to mess with me.. she starts to talk back, then gets scared and hangs up.. 

ENOUGH FREAKIN' DRAMA!! I wasn't even trying to be mean by telling her not to call.. I just wanted to try and make her understand she wasn't treating him very good and he deserved to be treated right.. everyone does.. and she turns it into a big huge deal.. I shouldn't have called her out, but she shouldn't have threatened me.. 

Oh lordy.. 

I forgot how many people were always calling my parents house.. holy shit.. 

Well, I had an exciting interesting morning.. hopefully it doesn't get anymore interesting this afternoon..



Current Mood: calm

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

7th March 2007

2:04pm: I'm really nervous about my interview at PSP tomorrow.. I hate doing interviews because I get really nervous and shy, and then afterwards I get all paranoid that I'm not good enough and I won't get it.. and I need this job, because I can't get my own place unless I get this job.. and there might be an apartment for rent that I really really like and want, and I just have to get Chad to double check, and if its right, I really really need this job.. 

This teacher has got me doing all my four courses at once.. which makes it extremely harder than it could be.. I was doing really well doing one at a time, I was done 3 books of english in 2 weeks or so.. which is amazing apparently.. then the stupid teacher has got me doing one a period, which gets me all confused and now its taking me longer.. I still have one last book in english, but because I have the three other courses to start on, its taking me longer to do than it should.. and he comes in yesterday, and says, "You know, you can start handing in books to me whenever you are done.." I wanted to shout at him I HAVEN'T FINISHED ANOTHER BOOK BECAUSE YOU HAVE ME DOING ALL OF THE FOUR COURSES AT ONCE.. and I don't want to hand in one lesson at a time, because the guys a bonehead and I don't want him losing them.. so I'm writing down when I hand in books so I know I have handed them in, then writing down when I get them back.. but anyways.. its taking me so much longer than it needs to to get this freakin' things done..

And its too freakin' loud in the computer area to get anything done.. cause theres another class, and the teacher is overly loud and everyones talking at once and I can't concentrate.. i need an ipod.. i always work really well with music in the background..

I'm talking to Tamara again, which I'm really happy about.. after my last post, I started thinking about ways to rekindle all these friendships that I miss, or ones that I kinda lost touch of when I started dating Chad and started hanging out with his group of friends.. I will be spending a day or two in Ottawa after I get my income tax return, so maybe I can get together with Pearly and Tess and Ang and Jillie, if they're not busy.. or at least one or two of them.. and when I get my apartment, I want to have people come down for weekends from Ottawa, or for a day or something.. 

Well, I want to go email Tessa.. so Tess, LOOK FOR MY EMAAAAAAAIL!! Haha..

(shed an emo tear)

5th March 2007

10:51am: I have spent this morning, and Thursday afternoon reading through old livejournal posts because I don't feel like doing my work.. lol.. its just interesting to read old posts and remember those good or even bad memories.. because I'm really over all those old things.. I'm really happy now.. things have changed, some things I wish hadn't changed.. but you can't really help that.. one thing that never changed was how whiney I am.. haha.. or that theres always a guy in my life.. in the past, it wasn't the greatest thing.. because I always got hurt.. and even though Chad hurt me on numerous occasions, we're still together and we're happy and we've managed somehow to weather the storm.. and I'm happy that I finally found that person.. we talk about marriage and getting engaged, but I'm not like I was with Marc or Bobby where I never prepared myself for the possibility that we would break up.. and that was just the stupidest thing to do.. because nothings ever guaranteed, and I mean.. Bobby was my first boyfriend, we had a lot of growing up and learning to do.. and obviously we weren't gonna be together forever.. and Marc is just a whole different story.. I was just blind back then.. and I hope that I've grown more and know better now.. theres always a possibility that you can break up.. and me and Chad will be a lot better once I move out.. we'll get used to being two different people again, we've become so dependant on each other since we've been living together.. and I think its time to break apart a bit, and learn to be our own people and how to be on our own.. he'll still stay over, and he'll have clothes and all that stuff at my apartment, but he'll also have somewhere to go if we fight, or somewhere to hang with just the guys.. or somewhere just to be when we need a break.. and I'll have somewhere to be myself again-sing, write, read.. I think we've become this old married couple, and we can't really turn back and not be that anymore.. but we can break that a little bit, and be ourselves again.. don't get me wrong, I love living with him.. but we both agree we need a break from living with each other.. we need to have time to ourselves-more than we can get living together..

One thing I wish never changed is something i continuously bitch about.. losing touch with Pearly, Tessa, Ang, Amy, and Jillie.. and now that they have their own group of friends, and girlfriends or boyfriends that I don't know, it makes it hard.. but I don't know, I've been thinking about it lately, since me and Alyssa had our falling out because of some new girl I started hanging out with, or me and Tam not talking anymore because we're both too lazy to make the effort.. and I'm just trying to figure out a way where I can keep in touch better, and get to know the other people in their lives.. I hate thinking I hurt any of you guys before, and reading my old livejournal posts made me realize how much I've done that.. and it sucks.. but its kinda cool that we still managed to work through all that.. so now, I'm just trying to figure out a way to keep in better touch and stay closer to all the Ottawa crew, and Alyssa and Tam.. 

I'm glad I'm not the person I was back then anymore though.. it embarasses me to think I was that person, or I did or said some of the things I read about in those posts.. i'm happy with who I am now, and I'm less bitchy, and I'm less I don't know.. just vulnerable, and dependant I guess.. I've lost myself since I moved in with Chad, which is understandable because we were trying to establish a real, true relationship with each other and find out who we are and were to each other.. but now, i feel its time to start writing and singing again.. and having girls nights, and gossiping and all that stuff again.. it obviously can't be like it used to.. because I've grown and learned and I'm not the person I used to be.. but i want to start the things the old Sam enjoyed, because while my personality and views on things and all that stuff has changed, my interests haven't really.. i listen to more music, I have more topics to write about, I have more people to learn from.. but my interests, especially writing haven't changed.. reading those old posts I found one good thing that ever came out of Marc's mouth, and it was "Keep up the writing. I always told you you were good at it, and it looks like you've only improved. And I know you love it, so keep it up.." and I think hes right..

Anyways.. I guess thats all of that little rant I'll be doing right now.. I should really start some work, even though theres 20 minutes before lunch.. thank gosh, cause I'm starving.. 

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

1st March 2007

12:37pm: I really want to go home..

I just got back from lunch break, and I shouldn't have come back.. lol..

I spent the morning looking on MTV.ca at the Hills reviews and pictures, writing random emails, looking at this 8 week program in Toronto that Chad wants to go to, and not even pretending that I was doing work.. and I'm pretty sure the afternoon will consist of pretty much the same thing..

I am in a bad mood today.. Chads stupid fucking dad woke me up at 6 walking around OUR upstairs back and forth looking in the rooms, checking things out.. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE UP HERE WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION, AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SNEAK AROUND AND BE AN IDIOT AT 6 O CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING.. JUST CAUSE YOU'RE COMING OFF WORK DOESN'T MEAN OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO BE UP WITH YOU!! FAAAAAAAAACK!! And then, to make it better.. I went to take a shower, and of course, not even 5 minutes after I turn on the shower, they start running a bath which leaves me with cold water.. and it also leaves them with cold water.. CAN YOU NOT WAIT 15 FUCKING MINUTES WHILE I TAKE A SHOWER?! ARRRRRRRRRRRG!! Fuck.. they piss me off so much I can't even stand it anymore.. its unbelievable.. which is why I put in my resume at PSP and Zomax.. and I have an interview at PSP on the 8th.. and if I get that job, I can afford to get my own place.. so hurry up and hire me already..

I'm just randomly ranting cause it passes the time.. until you look at the clock and realize its another hour till break, and you're hear for another 2 and a half hours till you get to go home..

I am also mad because it is 12:30, and they still don't have the stupid fucking mail sorted.. I need to go grocery shopping and get some medications cause I'm nuts.. (LOL, not really..) and they've had since like, 6 in the morning to sort 2 fucking bags of mail.. I NEED MY CHEQUE FOR FUCKSAKES!! Chad is working at Zomax till 4 or 5, and then hes going paintballing with the boys, and I want to go grocery shopping so I have food to eat tonight..

ARG.. I'm very angry today..

I have four courses going right now-another family studies, entrepreneurial studies, english and health.. and then I wanna take another business course and a french.. its all correspondance, but I want to have them on my transcript, and I can do them even if I'm working full time cause I can do them at home, and come here to type them up.. I'm basically on my own schedule..

My stomach feels like its eating itself.. and I just ate!.. everything hates me today..

I'm going, cause everything really does hate me today..
Current Mood: aggravated

(shed an emo tear)

19th February 2007

2:07pm: My weekend was quite interesting. And now, I am freakin' exhausted because of it.

On Friday night, we were driving around with Justin and Tash. We went to Timmies to figure out what to do and we saw Randy. He asked if we wanted to go drinking with him and we said sure, but he was waiting for a call saying when and where we were going. So, we went on a tour around town. Randy led, and Justin was next. Until we passed him because hes a "grampa driver" as Randy calls him. They attempted to drift, and Randy was the only one to succeed. Then after our tour, we were in the Canadian Tire parking lot trying to figure out what to do, and we met up with Randys friend, Sarah. They wanted to play hide and seek, so we played that until 10ish.. the last clue was from Randy and Sarah, and it was Snoop Dogg off-roading.. we drove past where they were hiding, not realizing he could've made it down this really tiny, steep hill.. his car is small and lowered, so it worked out.. anyways.. we couldn't find it, so we called his cell for a clue.. when he answered the phone, all i could hear was moaning in the background.. turns out he was watching some porn he bought from my mom on his tv in the car.. lol.. then Randy had to go see his girlfriend, so we just went home cause we didn't feel like waiting for him to fuck her.. lol..

On Saturday we had dinner with Chads sister and brother-in-law Dave, Chads dad and Brenda, and Daves parents for Daves birthday.. we had dinner at PJS, then went back to our place for cake.. then we went out with Justin and Tash and we again ended up meeting with Randy.. which is funny, because we never call him and never know where he is.. but still end up meeting up with him.. we drove around some more.. drifted in the back of the mall cause we're cool.. lol.. watched some more porn in Randys car with Justin, Tash and Sarah.. we just drove around and hung out until midnight.. then he had to go pick up his girlfriend, and we were tired, so we went home..

Sunday we had brunch with Chads mom and moms boyfriend Bob, his sister and Dave, and Bob's son in Ottawa.. we didn't get home till around 2 or 3.. then Justin and Tash came over and we drove around for a bit.. then we decided to go in the hot tub.. so we went in and me and Tash got drunk.. we hung out till about 11 or 12 and they left and we went to bed..

I'm too lazy to add details, but it was tons of fun and I'm still exhausted.. lol..

Tonight, I'm watching movies with Chad, cooking dinner, and doing homework.. unless Randy or Justin call..

Randy is Chads friend from I don't know where.. Randy, Chad and a bunch of their friends are opening a tuner shop when Chad gets back from his 5 week course in Toronto where he learns how to tint windows, lower cars, paint cars, hook up subs and amps, and put on body kits.. so thats cool.. they should make pretty good money, and they all have tuner cars and enjoy them, so it makes sense.. but yeah.. Tash is totally in love with Randy.. all girls are.. hes slept with just about every girl in Arnprior, and some in Ottawa and other places in the area.. lol.. hes kinda short and skinny.. hes a skater, and hes really confident.. hes a really sweet, funny guy.. hes not one for committment, or wasn't.. i guess hes trying to grow up and try and be faithful to one girl, but hes getting tired of her already.. lol.. anyways.. all in all hes a great guy.. and hes fun to hang out with.. hes crazy too.. he went down this HUGE hill thats really icy with his car, then made Justin do it too.. Chad was gonna do it, but his cars too big and its not his..

So yeah.. good weekend, good times.. I'm freakin' exhausted..
Current Mood: tired but happy

(3 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

15th February 2007

9:41am: I'm in a really bad mood..

My Valentines Day was okay.. me and Chad didn't get anything for each other.. I got him a card that whistles because its cute, but we are both broke and didn't really want anything.. so that was okay.. then, Chads dad decided he wanted to play Brenda for the day and told us that Justin and Tash couldn't sleep over and that they couldn't stay late.. uh, excuse me.. I pay $250 a month to live there, I can do whatever the hell I want.. what am I paying for? a bed, some water.. our room is always cold cause they won't turn on the fucking heat and just use the fireplace which only heats downstairs, so I'm not paying for heat.. I was pissed, Chad told me to grow up, I told him to fuck off and stick up for himself for once and stop being such a baby.. then I got really fucking loaded with Tash..

Then I found out something today that fucking crushed me and I don't feel like doing work today or anything.. and now I have to wait till 11:30 to talk to the dickhead about it and I am so upset its not even funny..

I'm also looking for a room to rent for now until I can get a full time job..

Anyways.. that was a pointless post.. but whatever..

Happy Belated Valentines Day everyone..
Current Mood: pissed right the fuck off

(2 kleenexs | shed an emo tear)

9th January 2007

2:32pm: well, my holidays weren't too bad. they were too short though. now i'm back at school panicking with all the summatives and assignments and presentations i have to do. and i have to apply for college, which i'm extremely nervous about.

we had a busy christmas. christmas eve we went to my parents for dinner. christmas day we went to chads moms, then my parents, then back home. we ate dinner, visited, then he had to go to work in ottawa and i went to see my gramma in ottawa. then i came home and fell asleep. lol. new years we didn't do anything special because he had to work the next morning so on new years eve we went and saw night at the museum. its a funny movie.

i was stuck at home all day because i'd spend time with chad during the day, and he worked 3-11 so i'd be stuck at home all night cause alyssa kept ditching me. it wasn't fun at all. now i've got the flu or something. but i never throw up, i just get nauseous, then it'll go away, then come back when i'm eating, then eventually go away again. its odd.

so anyways this is my last couple weeks of semester 1. one exam, off for another week, then back for semester 2 which i will be taking english, french and studies in literature. then hopefully get accepted somewhere to college, move to wherever that happens to be, or if i don't get in, work for a year and apply again. if i don't get accepted we're moving to ottawa because chad works there anyways and thats where i'll be hopefully going to college, and so we might as well move there.

well, i suppose thats all.
Current Mood: bored

(1 kleenex | shed an emo tear)

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